Tay and Hang Sandwiches
With it being a long weekend, we’ve been partying at Swearing Towers, beering and boozing and singing and coming to blows over who was the best Batman. And as such, I’m hungover. Or possibly, still drunk. As I type, I can hear those stragglers clinging to the arse of the last glorious 24 hours arguing about the Spear of Destiny, over the soundtrack to Disney’s Beauty and The Beast. Think you that I’m joking? I assure you, I’m not. Hangovers are not funny. They’re painful. And hungry.I swear to God I’d eat a nun’s bony hand through the iron gates of a convent right now.
I don’t know what causes it, but I’d happily nibble my way through a sausage stuffed with freeze-dried sawdust when I’m coming down off the old akiehol. Tayto sandwiches, ice-cream sundaes, cheese on toast, curry chips – greasy, sugary, dripping with hydrogenated fat, all of it a love song for my churning guts, an ode to self-abuse, an elegy to murdered brain cells.
A friend of mine said, not so long ago, that the worst part about being drunk and sidling into hangover was the obligatory trip to the local chipper, and the consequent rooting through the bin the next day.
“Jesus,” I gaped. “I’ve been hungover, girl, but I’ve never eaten leftovers out of a bin.” Whereupon she grimaced and said, “Sweary, you’re a bag of stupidity. I meant you’d look through the wrappers next morning to see how many calories you’d consumed the night before!”
Calories, my talons! I count my energy intake on a hangover day in terms of GDP, and rightly so. There should be no limit to your gobbling into a Happy Place, for hangovers are conscience enough. I don’t understand (although, if I was able to think straight, I would probably envy) those people who cannot eat the day after a decent boozing.
“My guts are churning,” they moan.
“Settle them,” I declare, “though consuming vast quantities of lard.”
I recommend crisps above all; a Tayto sarnie and a cuppa will do more for your splitting head than a lecture from your dietician, yes? Yes. Toast it and add an Easi Single and you’re in business. But I’d be happy to be corrected! I’d welcome some suggestions, for honestly, a recipe book for hangover cures is bound to sell better than any Jamie Oliver, and I’m up for making my fortune. As soon as I tear myself away from my Breville toaster, at least.
And by the way, the best Batman is definitely Adam West. And that is something I will NOT be happy to be corrected on.
I’d put pizza on the list.
A battered saveloy for mine!
1) Liked your old URL better (if you analyze my path, I arrived through the Arse End of Ireland–sorta like Flue Powder, but not as much fun–unless perhaps for the Arse); 2) Recommend the burger with fried eggs on an English–scratch that–absentee landlord muffin–very similar to your photo–referred to in the ship’s mess as the “Barney Clark Burger” (after the first recipient of an artificial heart) and a doubled Bloody Mary; 3) Adam West is just OK for the campy Batman–don’t believe anyone has demonstrated ascendancy of the role yet (unlike Sean Connery being the only good 007).
Irn Bru…but for the love of Christ be sure and insist on the bottled Barrs variety, nothing else will do. Mutton tikka, reheated with any leftover chups, and all mopped up with great dods of buttery soda bread.
Adam West had the sarcasm off to a fine art in his day. He also had an arse that could parp on cue. Now that’s raw talent.
“Holy shite Batman, I think we need to fit more windies in the Batmobile!”
Bloody Mary’s and saltine crackers, that is the only thing I can consume without boking back up after drinking.
And I agree on the Adam West thing. At least he had comedy value.
And I don’t remember any nipples, either, so that’s a plus.
First Lucazade for the fizz as much as for the glucose. A good belch can do wonders for the delicate tum. But the jet power of the fizz drives the sugar out the walls of the stomach together with what remains of the alquehol.
Adam West IS the best Batman closely followed by Michael Keaton
It’s a good thing that we’re all agreed (even grudgingly) on Adam West. I really thought someone hormonal would rally behind Mr. Bale, the grumpy, chiselled maniac. Although I bet he knows some hangover cures…
The chemistry between Val and Nicole in Batman Forever while comparable to George and Chris’s on screen sizzling in Batman and Robin,wins out with Kilmers almost inexplicable ability to find work in the industry. Still he does wear a mask for most of his performance, so who cares?
It was probably Tom all along, as it was well known that Kilmer had a serious problem with the drug Qhat at the time, and of course it would also explain the height difference.
The is a little known Batman Movie which was made in 1943 and was serialised in 15 parts and starred one Lewis Wilson as the caped crusader, who should receive kudos for his nuanced performanceand also for being the first of many.
Seeing as I didn’t get my usual poached eggs bacon and mushies,washed down with lots of fresh OJ which is MY hangover cure,and was left to fester in bed until 3 O’clock, I shall say no more on the matter.
What lies!
I woke you at lunchtime to get the car keys.
Bacon(rasher) Egg and Cheese on a toasted roll slathered in butter. Massive cup of coffee.
Should that not be enough buttered pasta is my comfort food. Sounds disgusting but it’s lovely.
I just do not believe you eat crusts so why feck up perfectly good crisps.
I second the grilled cheese and egg sandwich recommendations and would like to add mozzarella sticks. “Fried,” “salt” and “spiraling self-destruction” seem to be the key words here.
Too true, Liv.
And I do eat crusts. Just not buttered crusts. Butter is disgusting.
Fin.
Ahh come on you health freaks – its got to be the tayto salt & vinegar nurofen plus sarnie!
I’m allergic to codeine, so I’m afraid it has to be regular Nurofen. Woe.
Crisp sandwiches are my drunk food, but I may consider them for hangovers too. But do you really toast crisp sandwiches? That’s insane. A fizzy drink is a necessity too.
Crisp sambos with just crisps must be on fresh, squishy bread, but add cheese and toasting becomes advisable. Otherwise the cheese sticks to the squishy bread.
See? The appliance of science.
Crisps with bloody mary(s). Followed much later by ice cream… and more crisps. Post-mortem of previous evening optional.
One of the cousins mentioned ice-cream as a hangover cure the other day.
I thought he was insane, to be honest.
start off with a tentative cup of tea, chipsticks, a solero, more tea and then lashing and lashings of Taco Fries. ymmmmmm
what’s a hangover?