Comments on: Dear Flann: Readers’ mailbag

By: Flann O'Coonassa

Flann O'Coonassa — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 09:11:32 +0000

Exactly Sweary. They’re a shifty bunch, the whales. Born as humans, they’d undoubtedly be the folk who lurk in shadowy lanes, wearing readily shed-able trench coats.

By: Sweary

Sweary — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 08:41:12 +0000

And what do they even look like? Ignoring the general shape of their body, I defy anybody to take a pen and draw a whale’s face. Why is that? What are they trying to hide?

Oh dear God. I never thought of it that way, but … Oh, dear God, you’re right. I’ve never even had a whale look at me head on. How can you trust that which you can’t face up to?

By: Flann O'Coonassa

Flann O'Coonassa — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 08:00:13 +0000

Mr Bastard, understood. There’ll be no incursions into Glesga by myself or my associates. On a human level, I’ll lament the loss of Vinny’s thumbs though. If there was a concert pianist who could play a finer Beethoven’s 5th, I never met them.

I can only hope his enormous and tireless work for charity brings him comfort, with his piano now probably being loaded into a skip. If there’s any justice, his wife might finally emerge from her 6 year coma. I mean, her medical bills are the only reason he involves himself in shady deals anyway.

Still, you did the right thing Mr Bastard. I salute you.

By: Flann O'Coonassa

Flann O'Coonassa — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 07:54:47 +0000

Galwaywegian, myself and Sir Cliff have not spoken since ‘the unpleasantness’ in 1992, also referred to as ‘that of which we do not speak’. I don’t want to say too much, but a Tequila session attended by myself and Messrs Cliff Richard and Daniel O’Donnell resulted in a robbed liquor store, and two innocent people languishing in the clink to this day.

I once touted the possibility of us confessing, at which time O’Donnell threatened to — I quote — “…cut me”. Cliff also dragged his finger across his throat for emphasis. I tell you, when those two get together, they are far more than the sum of their parts.

By: Flann O'Coonassa

Flann O'Coonassa — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 07:49:31 +0000

Hey Manuel. No, my links to Oswald are far more prosaic than my detractors would have you believe. I was merely his rifle salesman. Now, how someone can take a harmless bit of unlicensed rifle selling and link it to a crime so heinous, is beyond me.

As for Hoover, I only met the man once. And it wasn’t until an hour into our meeting that I discerned him as a man. I believe The Crying Game covers that type of revelation better than I could ever recount.

By: Jimmy Bastard

Jimmy Bastard — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 07:41:56 +0000

Flann,

Job done, Vinny can now only count up to eight with both hands. Forget the used notes.. brown envelope.. usual place, this one’s for free. You now run the east and the west side, but stay out of Glesga, it’s no safe for you’se with me still in it.

JB.

By: galwaywegian

galwaywegian — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 07:30:33 +0000

Still no comment about the whole Cliff Richard Ice cream saga I see?

By: Manuel Estimulo

Manuel Estimulo — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 07:00:21 +0000

Hola Flann!

Is it true that you was provide fashion tips to J. Edgar Hoover? And also marksman tips to Lee Harvey Oswald? I have seen photos that which place you in Havana in October 1959.

Besos

Manuel