A Herd of Managers?
I was reminded on Saturday night of a post I wrote, in another place, about what the collective noun is for waiters. It was sparked by a conversation with a guest who had yet to tip, so I had to remain his little dancing man. Don’t feel bad for me as I’d dance for you with feather and balloons, if you wanted feathers and balloons that is, just for a decent tip. Anyhoo that original conversation went something like this…
“A group of waiters?”
“‘Scuse me? I had no idea what he was on about.
“You said a group of waiters.”
“Yes…eh…I suppose there were four or five of us.” Just where was he going with this?
“And is that the collective noun for waiters?”
“Eh?”
“Group? As in a group of waiters. Is that the collective noun?”
“Em….er….uh…I don’t actually think so. Em……..” Remember my tip was still swinging in the air so I felt I had to stick this peculiar line of questioning out.
“A group? It doesn’t sound right.” There was silence as his three companions and I stared at him with perplexed gazes. He took a final swig of wine, turned to me, winked (which was very weird) and announced….
“An absence! That’s what the collective noun for waiters is, an absence!” And then roared with laughter repeating, “An absence of waiters!” His many chins wobbled as he laughed.
An absence indeed, the cheeky fooker. That said it was the best of an abusive bunch. There was also, “An extortion of waiters. A cunt of waiters. An attitude of waiters. A grovel of waiters. Charming I’m sure. But like I say I was reminded of this story when on Saturday night I had need to speak to a manager. This is not something I like to do at the best of times but needs must and all that. I tried the office, but they were not there. I tried the bar and then the kitchen and again I was thwarted in my search. In the end I found them, all at the back door having a fag.
“Oh look it’s a whole waste of management”
They didn’t get it. I tittered to myself but felt it didn’t quite capture full magnificent collectiveness of the entire management team having a crafty smoke at the same time whilst Rome was burning. It wasn’t actually burning but there was an angry guest who needed grovelled to and as I have self respect I wasn’t gonna do it. So here are my suggestions for the collective noun for managers. Please feel free to add your own…
- An indecision of…
- A coffee break…
- A waste of…
- A talking shop of…
- An insecurity of…
- An aggression of…
- An inept of…
- A confusion of…
- An avoidance of…
- A stress of…
- An over complication of…
- A double standard of…
- A Luftwaffe of…
- An irrational of…
There must be more. What say you?
I’m partial to a waste of… or an inept of myself. No matter the profession, shite always seems to float to the top.
Ha……harsh but fair…..quality….
the really good ones make me feel like a worm. and still want to tip them 20%. i’d call that “an arrogance of waiters…”
A loiter of waiters.
Quit hiding in the kitchen and making me search you out, for oh yes, I most certainly will and have done and probably will continue to.
You know the Dilbert Principle, don’t you, Manuel?
A meddle of managers…
Can people stop slagging waiters off and try harder….we are slagging off managers today……sake
Sweary, no, no I don’t….
A Rash of management??
Meant to say, can be changed to muddle and/or middle to suit the occasion.
Brilliant conan!
An obfuscation of managers – signifying their unique ability to completely disguise the point of what they are trying to say by throwing in as many management speak buzz words as humanly possible. Not as good as meddle though.
I believe ‘a kidnap of managers’ is favoured by tiger kidnappers. You can see why.
What about a hysteria of managers? I have worked with shedloads of highly strung neurotics in my time.
a bag of managers
because i’ve found that usually want i want to do with the picky/overzealous/PITA mid-level morons i’ve come across recently, stick them in a bag and toss it into the middle of the river metaphorically speaking, of course. xoxoxx
“Can people stop slagging waiters off and try harder….we are slagging off managers today……sake”
No. It’s easier to get a rise out of waiters. They’re so… reactionary :::waves money to watch waiters grovel:::
Managers are boring. There you have it: A bored of managers, because they bore me.
Govstooge: no, but it’s still good…
Flann: bwahahahahaha…I’m sharing that with the boss forthwith….
Miss Jones: yes, yes and thrice yes…!
Savannah: a bag that could be thrown over a bridge….nice
Fat Sparrow: a tedium of managers…..perfect
I know what we can call managers. A Pod of Shitty Waiters!
How about a murder of managers – as long as crows do not feel insulted that is.