Aries (Mar 21 – Apr 19)
Stop trying to satisfy everyone else’s expectations. You must learn to feel comfortable in your own skin. If the cannibalistic serial killer who’ll soon be wearing you as a suit …

 
In the second instalment (see the first here) of my ‘Final Page’ series, I now present the last page of my crime novel ‘Grizzled Justice’. First published in 2003, it reinvented the buddy-cop genre by mismatching bickering …

It is well known but poorly documented that I underwent a Catholic exorcism in the spring of 1971. I had been dabbling heavily in the occult for some months, ritually sacrificing hedgehogs, smoking joints made …

In 1968 I suffered a nervous breakdown during the London premier of hit motion picture, Planet of the Apes. 20th Century Fox hired me to work the red carpet in a gorilla suit, schmoozing the …

Ask anybody – even a cross-eyed peasant farmer in the hills of Guatemala – who would be the top three people they’d kill (a hobo) to meet, and you’ll invariably hear the names Roy Keane, Mick McCarthy, …

In 1982, I had the privilege of being in a head-on car crash with crooning royalty, Frank Sinatra. Though I spent the next year in traction, the friendship that developed between myself and Old Blue …

For a time in the late 60s, myself, Jack Nicholson and Dennis Hopper were inseparable. The Three Amigos. Nobody called us that, which always surprised me. The Two Amigos would probably have been more accurate …

As a veteran of over sixty novels, nobody could quibble when I label myself Ireland’s greatest ever fiction writer. That’s about fifty-five books more than James Joyce, who nestles immediately below me in the pecking …