Si, is the great news that Real Madrid the Best Team in the World have deigned to sign from the useless Manchester waste-of-space-can’t-even-beat-Barcelona team their only decent player, Cronaldo of Portugal (which historically belong to …

I had a fun fun fun table of eight land in on me about an hour before closing. They received my usual “me angry waiter, you stupid customer” caveman type greeting that I reserve for …

Dear Problem Pages,
I’m hoping you can help me with an embarrassing problem I’m having, financially and professionally. I think I’m being bullied and I don’t know where to turn.
I hired this company of gobshites to …

When schoolgirl’s dread was in my blood
I read of ancient demons
“Haughey’s kind has gone for good
No need for me to flee, then.”
But then when I grew up, my fears
Were sadly not in vain,
Our first world …

“Waiter!”
I was being summonsed by a very large very sweaty very unattractive man. Being wrapped, as he was, in a couple of thousands pounds worth of Armani cut cloth really didn’t distract from the hideousness …

Lord save me from Real Ale Drinkers. For those of you who are lucky enough not to know what it is Real ale is “beer brewed from traditional ingredients, matured by secondary fermentation in the …