Following on from last week’s warnings of the apocalyptic doom that is the office christmas party I offer you today further advice in how to survive the office christmas party. Let’s start with the CHRISTMAS …

It’s four weeks to Christmas. Twenty three and a half days from now it will all be over for another year. I say 23 and a half because it’s all over by tea-time really, isn’t …

One of the most fear inducing phone calls a waiter can get goes like this, “Hello what time is the latest we can get a table for a dinner?” Late supper eh? BOLLOCKS, I have …

Whilst sauntering through town on Monday on my way to the dark place, work that is, I happened to find myself walking towards some of those shiny people who hand out handbills for shiny nightclubs. …

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all customers doubt you
But make no allowance for their doubting too,
If you can …

I had a fun fun fun table of eight land in on me about an hour before closing. They received my usual “me angry waiter, you stupid customer” caveman type greeting that I reserve for …

“Waiter!”
I was being summonsed by a very large very sweaty very unattractive man. Being wrapped, as he was, in a couple of thousands pounds worth of Armani cut cloth really didn’t distract from the hideousness …

Lord save me from Real Ale Drinkers. For those of you who are lucky enough not to know what it is Real ale is “beer brewed from traditional ingredients, matured by secondary fermentation in the …